Body/Horror: Forced Feminization in the Movie “(Re)Assignment”

The other day, my wife told me about a new movie coming out in 2017.  “(Re)Assignment”.  I’ll give you the IMDB summary:

Following an ace assassin who is double crossed by gangsters and falls into the hands of rogue surgeon known as The Doctor who turns him into a woman. The hitman now a hitwoman sets out for revenge, aided by a nurse named Johnnie who also has secrets.

I thought, “this is a tacky movie idea possibly worth a blog post, but I’ll let it stew a bit.”  At 2am, I woke up mad as hell and I didn’t quite know, right off, why.  At 4am I know and I’m in front of the computer spitting out all the thoughts I’ve had over the last two hours as to why, as a transwoman,  this film offends me to the core.  In short, it takes everything I am, everything I’ve gone through to achieve some peace in the world and reduces it to cheap thrills.


I have been watching Sigourney Weaver for decades.  Her filmography contains some beautiful work, from the bittersweet “Snow Cake” to  her haunting portrayal of the stepmother in “Snow White”.  From the uproariously funny “Galaxy Quest” to the action packed “Alien”, her range and talents seem to know no bounds.  And I have loved Michelle Rodriguez’ portrayal of bad-ass women ever since I first saw her in “Resident Evil”, right through “Avatar” and “Battle Los Angeles”.   Walter Hill has produced some remarkable films, most notably, again, “Alien” and, though it’s been a while, I remember liking “Warriors”.

So we have some talented people here and I will state, up front, that it’s possible that this might not be the tasteless film the premise leads me to believe it will be.  I doubt it, but it’s possible.  This movie is classified as an action/thriller, but, in reality, it cannot be anything but an erotic horror movie.  The horror aspect will play on male fears of emasculation and cisgendered fear of not knowing someone’s ‘real’ gender.  The erotic component will come from the blurring of the gender/sexuality line inherent in the premise itself.

It is possible that buried under all this there will be some insight into gender identity, but,  even if there is, it will get lost in the erotic/horror aspects of the film.  The identity issues, if they show up at all, will take second place to the physicality of the sex-changed body and women – trans and cis – will be reduced to their “girl parts”.

Given the backlash against the women’s movement, does the world really need a movie about a woman doctor feminizing a man?  Don’t we have enough trouble with men seeing feminism as emasculating?  As “dragging men down” rather than “lifting women up”?  This movie will give them a storyline to wrap their fears and their anger around.  No more metaphors – this movie will show it to them – literally – and they are going to take that story out into the world with them.

Transwomen especially have a lot to fear from this film.  Our culture is still based on the seriously flawed, binary gender system and too many people are positively horrified by gender ambiguity.  Worse yet is the fear that they can’t know if someone presenting as a stereotypical man/woman really is.  The recent spate of ‘bathroom laws’ is proof of just how many people that fear infects.  (Which is why I will be missing HonorCon this year.  It’s being held in NC and, as much as I’d love to meet Claudia Christian, I am not stupid enough to go to some Cro-Magnon state where I can be arrested for using the bathroom.)

So, what is the point of using this premise in the first place?  If they wanted to investigate transgendered identity, why not have a transsexual hitman.  Not that we need another “Silence of the Lambs”, but that way they could at least try to paint a realistic portrait of the character.  Get an transwoman to play the part and they might have something.  It would still make a lot of people uncomfortable.  Might still have some of the same problems, but it would at least have the opportunity to be respectful of trans lives.

Going with the forced feminization approach, they are doomed to making a horror flick.  At that point, any hope of investigating the reality of “living in the wrong body”, as a serious part of the film, is lost and sex reassignment gets conflated with ‘body horror’.  (Something which the title goes a long way to insuring.)

There are plenty of movies that are unrealistic.  Time compression (things happening in far less time than they would in reality) and the addition of ‘Handwavium’  to dismiss the out and out impossible, do not necessarily make a movie unenjoyable.  But when that kind of simplification appropriates and trivializes the lives of an entire class of people,  it turns them into a stereotype.  And stereotypes never do anything other than make it simpler for people to excuse their bigotry and discrimination.

Let’s start with the clip that’s been going around.  It shows our hero (recently escaped from ‘The Doctor’) walking around the city streets, blood running from his crotch.  For starters – and let me speak from experience here –  you do not just hop up from the surgical table when the anesthesia wears off.  For one thing, there’s a mold which is sewn in place to form the vagina and to keep the abdominal wall from closing up.  That sucker hurts like hell every time you move your legs.  (And Sister, do not ask what it’s sewn to.)  In a couple of days, maybe, you can walk like our hero is in that scene.

Then there’s the post surgical appearance of our hero.  Absolutely no trace of that massive beard he was sporting in the opening.  That, and the degree of feminization we’re seeing in the character means he spent at least a year on electrolysis and hormone therapy before the movie resumes.  Yet I doubt we’re going to see that.  What we will see is a transition that glosses over everything a real transsexual goes through and reduces sex reassignment to the instantaneous acquisition of breasts and a vagina.

Perhaps the more disturbing question that arises from this is: why does our hero do this?  Having escaped he is once again master of his fate.  OK, he has to sit down to pee, but he could have continued life as a male.  So, why doesn’t he?  Wouldn’t any man do that?  Speaking as a writer, what is his motivation?  I can think of no plausible reason, so the obvious conclusion is that he is (subconsciously, at least) trans.  While this subtext may not be recognized by most moviegoers, it will allow them to identify our hero as both victim and perpetrator.  As both the castrated male and the gender transgressor.

The movie, then, takes trans lives and uses them for shock value.  First, there’s the male reaction to the  ‘degradation’ of being forced to live as a woman in this world.  I don’t have access to the script, but I can pretty much guarantee that here will be at least one scene in which our hero has to deal with catcalls and sexual innuendo, but only because it will reinforce that sense of ‘degradation’.  I doubt very much if the movie will show any of the day-to-day discrimination women face unless it reinforces that horror.

Then there’s the erotic side.  Oh, you don’t think there’s an erotic side?  Google “shemale” and see what you get.  Wait, I’ll save you the trouble…

About 430,000 results (0.57 seconds)

Do it yourself if you want to see the results: videos, stills, every form of porn there is, all revolving around males who have been feminized to the point of looking like beautiful women – except for the genitalia.  If you think there aren’t a boatload of men for whom this is a turn on, where do you think those thousands of sites come from?  It’s also a big part of the sex trade.  Intentional or not, this dissonance – horror vs arousal – will be a big part of the movie’s draw.

Further, this movie will leave viewers with a twisted view of the transgendered which is based entirely on the physical aspects.  On ‘The Sex’.  There will be no room left for the concept of identity and how it is not always consistent with one’s birth sex.  For those transsexuals who don’t get help pre-puberty, there is the very real pain of having one’s body turn into something totally wrong.  This movie skips past that and paints the surgery itself as the source of horror, not the dissonance between body and soul.  Worse, it divorces it from the concept of consent.

CAVEAT:  As I said above, I do not have access to the script or any information not currently available to the public.  What follows is speculation.

I am going to make some predictions about scenes in this movie.  To do this I will invoke TV Tropes “Three Laws of Gender Bending”:

Once a girl has been created, circumstances will conspire to keep her a girl.

Any character, after being gender bent, will come to enjoy their new gender more than their old gender.

Any gender bent character will either embrace or be subject to all of the stereotypes associated with their new gender.

(Start here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FirstLawOfGenderBending and have fun.)

While much of this comes from comics and anime, I’m willing to bet that the same forces are at work here with the same results: the conflation of physicality with gender behavior and sexual orientation.  As I said above, there is no reason why he can’t continue living as a man.  No, the premise of this movie can’t really be explained as anything other than seasoning action with titillation.  So, these scenes, or others very much like them, are almost inevitable.

So, let’s talk about the inevitable scene where our hero has to use the women’s bathroom for the first time.  Let me be frank here.  When you start living as a woman the big deal isn’t so much that it’s strange or scary (in and of itself) to use the ladies room.  What is scary is the fear of being confronted.  Imagine that you really, really have to pee and some cisgendered bitch is demanding proof that you’re ‘really a woman’.  Imagine some store/restaurant worker coming in to deal with ‘the man in the ladies room’ problem when, in actually, there isn’t a man in the ladies room, there’s just a woman who just happens to still have the male genitalia she was born with.  The degree to which you face this problem is directly related to how cisgendered you look.  I’m post-op some twenty odd years and I still occasionally get it.

So, the movie conjures up this demon.  Only, in this case, it is a man in the ladies room.  A man who doesn’t have the genitalia he was born with.  He still, however, has all the cultural baggage that goes along with being male.  For him, entering the ladies room is an act of transgression.  And if he gets a glimpse of breast or crotch, he’s going to react just like any other guy.  However unwillingly, he will be a Peeping Tom.  That he gets away with it will be arousing for many males and will help justify the insane notion that anyone would go through years of psychological review, hormone therapy and electrolysis – not to mention the surgery itself – just to get a peek into the ladies room.  It conflates the reaction of a male with those of a transwoman and reinforces the notion that we are, in fact, men.

Another scene.  Our hero needs to get some crucial piece of information, or access to someplace/someone, and gets dressed to the nines.  A great deal of time will be spent on the act of getting dressed and putting on makeup.  He may begin to actually like the way he looks as a woman.  To appreciate how beautiful he is.  And, yeah, that’s a turn on for some men as well.

Almost every time a male—and it is always a male—gets trapped in some kind of Gender Bender situation, the first thing the man turned woman does is check out the new equipment. In front of a mirror, if one is available. Often a form of Fanservice.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ManIFeelLikeAWoman

This.  Plus the notion that copping a feel gets a whole new twist when it’s you you’re feeling.  Sexuality gets turned into a kind of autoerotic Mobius strip, with both the male and female aspects getting off on the fondling of a woman’s breast.  (Once again, it is the body part, not the person that is the star here.)  Then he will sashay down the street and right into wherever he has to be.  Possibly flirting with a man along the way.  And, because the lead is being played by a cisgendered female, the performance will be pitch perfect.  ‘He’ will make such a convincing female that people will come out of the theater wondering who else in the world isn’t a real woman.  I can see a wave of paranoia sweeping out from this movie like a plague.

If the writers are feeling particularly adventurous (and, let’s face it, tacky) we may well get the “sex as a woman” scene.  Our hero will, by some plot device, have sex.  It might be, as in the “dressed to the nines” scene, a tactical requirement on his way to revenge.   Here we come back to the squick vs arousal theme.  On the one hand, being “fucked like a woman” is probably the ultimate degradation for straight men.  If our hero achieves orgasm, that’s doubly bad because it means he liked it and has, therefore, been ‘turned’.  On the other hand, there are a great many men who believe that they could make the most frigid of women orgasm if they would just spend some quality time with Mr. Happy.  To make a man feel that way is proof of the power of the almighty penis.

Or, perhaps Johnnie is a lesbian and we’ll get a little girl-on-girl action.  (Do I even have to mention that this is another major source of income for the porn industry?)  This is the safer route, because it allows our hero to maintain some semblance of his manhood (he still likes girls) while still enjoying his new ‘girl-parts’.   Again, however, we have that horror/erotic dissonance coming to play as orgasm blends with the ‘wrongness’ of sex as a woman.  In the end, that is what many people will take away from this film: the conflation of sex reassignment surgery with erotic horror.

However firmly I believe these scenes will exist, as I said, they are speculative – useful examples of how the film could have unfortunate social consequences.  The fact that Michelle Rodriguez won Best Actress from the Verein Deutscher Kritiker Und Filmemacher for this film tells that her acting was excellent.   But even if she and the writers had the most respectful of intent, it is still inevitable that it will reinforce transphobia in those inclined towards it.  Intent is only half the story.  What happens on the other side of the big screen, how the people in the theater react to this movie, is the other half and if it leads to the loss of the freedom that we transgendered have fought for for so long, indeed, still are fighting for, then the movie has a lot to answer for.  If being gender non-conforming becomes sufficient justification for people to accost someone and demand “proof” of their birth-sex, then the bigots of this world will have won and this movie, and everyone associated with it, will hold at least part of the blame.

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Vote Your Conscience

I voted for Bernie  in the primary  (you probably knew that already) but I will be backing Hillary  in November.  However much I would prefer Bernie, the consequences of a Trump presidency are just too horrific to contemplate unless you’re some straight white guy who’s willing to sieg hell his way through it.

So, for those of you who are going to vote Green, or Libertarian, or stay home and pout:  what if your state goes to Trump by a very slim margin?  What if you, and those like you, strip away enough votes from Hillary to put that sexist, racist, homophobic war monger in the Oval Office?  The day after the elections – are you at least going to have the decency to feel responsible for what happens down the road?

When Trump turns this country into a police state.  When the Supreme Court is locked into a right wing mindset for the next decade.  When your rights are slowly stripped away.  When it somehow becomes acceptable to openly discriminate against women, jews, queers, blacks.  When the first amendment is neutered and speaking out against anything the government does becomes a crime.  When those who do speak out start disappearing in the night.  When all these things happen – and they will – then will you finally admit your mistake?

Or will you try to excuse yourself by saying “It’s not my fault! I just voted my conscience.”  Because it probably wasn’t your conscience that made you vote the way you did. Because if you have half a brain in your head you can already see what’s coming if Trump is elected.  And no conscience worthy of the name would ever let that happen.

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The Smartest Thing…

…that Hillary Clinton could do would be to name Bernie Sanders as her running mate.  Whether she likes it or not,  whether he likes it or not, it is the best way to heal the rift in the Democratic Party.  Forget, for while at least, that the DNC and the Democratic Party nomination process needs a serious reboot.  Put aside, for a while at least, the abysmal way that Bernie was treated by the DNC.  (Put aside, for that matter, the abysmal way that Hillary was treated in 2008.)  These are things we can argue about once Trump is safely in the dustbin of history.

There are a number of reasons to match these two up.

First, by all accounts, they were once friends.  If the rancor of the primary season can be put behind them, they can be again and – regardless of who’s on the top of the ballot – they would make an amazing pair.  Two strong politicians covering each other’s back.  The hard part would be hammering out a compromise between their two positions.  By all accounts, this has been done.  If they both focus on what was agreed upon, it can all be accomplished.

Second, it will bring a lot of Bernie supporters back into the fold.  Yes, I know, eighty-something percent already are, but we need them all, or Trump can edge Hillary out.  A lot of the holdouts, for whatever reason, don’t believe Hillary will seriously support those platform planks that come from the negotiations with Bernie.  (To be honest, I’m not sure she would myself.  If she really believed in them, they’d have been in her platform from the beginning.)  But put Bernie in the VP slot and suddenly she has a conscience to deal with.  Suddenly those alienated Sanders supporters don’t have to go to the Green Party – which will never put someone that high up in government – in order to feel like they’re being listened to.

Third, Bernie – as VP – can float ideas that Hillary may not be comfortable proposing herself.  If the reaction is positive, she can adopt them.  If not, she can chalk it up to Bernie’s “natural exuberance” and let it drop.  Yes, it’s a cold-blooded political ploy and it would make Bernie look a bit foolish now and again, but if it puts even one more of his policies in place, it would be worthwhile.

As much as I want to see a woman in the Oval Office, I felt Bernie was closer to my own philosophical views.  I’ve paid a lot of taxes over the years, I’d like to see some of that money go to things other than invading other countries or bailing out banks after they’ve strip-mined the economy.  I thought Sanders would do more to bring that about.  I’m disappointed – and angry at the DNC for their patronizing, elitist attitudes – but they’re going to get their way (again) because a Trump presidency is just too awful to think about.

And, to be fair, Hillary did get 55% of the votes to Bernie’s 43%, something I don’t think can be entirely explained away by the DNC’s political manipulation of the primary. It may be that, for a lot of voters, Bernie was just a little too far to the left.  So Hillary deserves the nomination.  But, deserved or not, it won’t matter one little bit if she doesn’t get elected.  Picking Bernie as her running mate would go a long way toward insuring that.

We can deal with the DNC next year.

 

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Numbers Game

Back in 2008 I voted for Hillary Clinton.  Obama was an unknown to me and, while I found him charismatic, I backed Hillary because she was the Democratic candidate with policies closest to my own.  So I was unhappy, to say the least, when she failed to get the nomination.  It was also the first time that the word “super delegate” made an impression on me.  And it was not a good impression.  I found it offensive that some delegates (quite a lot, actually) could vote any which way they wanted.  When I ran the numbers, I got even angrier.

So, courtesy of Wikipedia and given that I’m dropping the “half-delegates” and neglecting Edwards and his 14-1/2 delegates, here are the numbers from 2008:

Obama got 17,584,692 votes and claimed 1,828 pledged delegates (i.e. delegates elected by the people and required to vote for a specific candidate.)  Clinton got 17,857,501 votes for 1,726 pledged delegates.  That means that 35,442,193 votes equals 3555 pledged delegates, or 9,970 votes per delegate.  Then there’s the super delegates.  Obama got 478 and Clinton got 246 for a total of 724.  If we add them into the mix, then those 35 million votes get watered down to 8,282 votes per delegate.  So, those “super delegates”?  Their votes are worth 8,282 of ours.  Really?  I know some geniuses but I don’t think any of them is 8,282 times smarter than me.  I don’t think they’re 8,282 times smarter than Trump and my opinion of his mental capacity is pretty low.

Which brings me back to Clinton and Sanders.  The current tally is Clinton at 2,204 pledged delegates to Sanders 1,847.  Clinton has 560 super delegates to Sanders 23.  What if those super delegate numbers were reversed?  Clinton, who currently has 55 percent of the popular vote would find herself losing the nomination to Sanders 2,407 to 2,227.  Then again, if the 2008 super delegate numbers were swapped, Clinton would have had the nomination – and probably the presidency – instead of Obama.  Given that Clinton actually won the popular vote back in 2008, you’d think the super delegates would have thrown in with her.  But the Democratic primary process isn’t about democracy, it’s about the DNC holding veto power over the will of the rank and file and back in 2008 they wanted Obama.  Just like they want Clinton now.

I really wish Sanders had gotten the nod, but the prospect of a Trump presidency scares me witless and I’ll back Clinton even though I think she’s second best.  Still,  once she is safely in the White House, there is one thing that needs to happen – the dismantling of the super delegate system.  It is nothing more than poorly disguised ballot stuffing.   It is the DNC shoving the candidate of their choice down our throats – and then using fear to make us vote for them.

We must end this.  As it stands, the Democratic party does not live up to its own name.

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Social Justice Warrior

I see no conflict between social justice and free speech.  Indeed, one cannot have one without the other.  Setting these two things in opposition, only guarantees that, in the end, we will have neither.  We cannot have social justice if the oppressed are not free to speak of their oppression.  We cannot have free speech if one group, by dint of it’s size, drowns out the voices with which it disagrees.  That being said, the movement of society towards freedom for all, especially freedom of speech, does not constitute the oppression of those who, until now, have held a monopoly on that freedom.

Whether it’s gamerboys decrying how the “Social Justice Warriors” are ruining gaming by pointing out the misogynist elements in so many games, or right wing Christians whining about how they are being “oppressed” by people saying “Happy Holidays”, I have just one thing to say:

Suck it up, Buttercup.  Freedom is for everybody.

 

 

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Norton Knows What You Want…

I own a Windows PC for one reason, and one reason only: gaming.  So, why is that Norton Internet Security (in its infinite wisdom) won’t let me install my gorram games?  Yeah, Steam games install and update just fine.  Stuff I get on DVDs does OK, but step away from those two paradigms and you are, apparently, screwed.

What do you call a program that downloads and installs software on your computer?  Well, if you’re a game developer you call it a launcher.  If you’re Norton, you call it malware.  Now, I am a really-for-truly software engineer and I realize the difference is primarily semantic.  Given an unknown program that is trying to install executable code, it rather makes sense to assume that it’s malware.  But, really, Star Citizen?  Norton doesn’t know about Star Citizen?  Really?  You expect me to believe that?

Last night it was a new version of the Discovery Freelancer mod.  Every time I install it, Norton pre-emptively deletes it from the system.  If I (gulp) turn off the firewall I can install it, but when the launcher runs, Norton again deletes it.  I call tech support.  After an hour of fishing around, it isn’t being deleted, but the firewall is blocking internet access.

OK, in the long run I’ll get all the firewall rules straightened out, I’ll whitelist all the executables and jump through all the other hoops Norton insists on, but what gets me is the arrogance.  The belief that they know better than I do and that if I want to go against their sage (but, in this case, wrong) advice, that I must dive into the bowels of their configuration utility.  (You are in a menu.  The option your looking for is not here.  You see three strangely labeled buttons.  What do you do?)

Can  anyone please tell me what is preventing Norton – having detected something suspicious – from just putting up a dialog that says, “Hi.  This software looks suspicious.  We think it may have malware XXXX.  Do you wish to continue?”  Give me that and let *me* be the final arbiter of what goes on my computer.  After all, it is *my* gorram computer.

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On Moving On

So, I’ve never paid much attention to the Hugos and I haven’t really been following the whole Sad/Rabid Puppies debacle, but apparently an attempt to pack the Hugo nominee list with right wing writers failed big time.  There may be hope for the world yet.

I can generally get along with an old school conservative, (you know, the kind who will actually engage in polite debate and who accept that the essence of democracy is compromise) but I haven’t met one of those in a very long time.  The country elects a moderately liberal* president and the only thing that today’s conservatives can think to do is stamp their tiny feet and be as obstructionist as possible.  And while the Puppies tried the same thing, (that is, tried to turn back the clock to a time when SF was dominated by straight white guys) they failed.

SF was, for many decades, the province of said straight white guys and the values it reflected were theirs.  Men were men and women made sandwiches.  (Oh, and babies.)  People of color were, generally, absent altogether.  So it is not particularly surprising that the influx of minority writers in the last few decades has changed the nature of SF.  For the better, in my opinion.

For those of us who want to see SF grow, who want to see it fairly reflect the thoughts and beliefs hopes of everyone, the rejection of the Puppy’s attempt to re-colonize SF can only come as a breath of fresh air.  For the rest, well, there are plenty of (otherwise) excellent writers who are pumping out the same old Neanderthal dreck.

————————

* I have long resisted calling Obama ‘liberal’, but he’s doing better and I am inclined to award him that accolade.

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“Conlang of Love”

In a world that is verging on sensory overload, an artform which requires us to focus on one particular sense, is at a disadvantage. It must engage us with such fierceness that we conspire with it to shut out everything else: The popup telling us an email just arrived, the phone telling us someone’s texted us, or, in my particular case, “I’m hungry”.   Really, a radio play is just too much work – unless you love language.

“Conlang of Love” suprised and delighted me. I half expected either a conlang tutorial, thinly disguised as a romance, or a romance, in which conlanging was merely a gimmick. Lou Ramsden split the difference and nailed it down. The interspersed vocabulary and grammar lessons were short enough that they did not intrude, (in fact, I began to look forward to them,) and at the end, they served their purpose: to let us ‘eavesdrop’ on the eventual declaration of love, delivered entirely in Dwarvish.

Which is not to say that the plot was totally predictable. Ramsden set Gethin up quite well. I was quite prepared to hate him, and a little confused by that, because he did seem to be the obvious romantic lead. The deftly written copy room scene, with it’s geeky one upmanship, changed that and I found myself rolling my eyes and wondering how these two were ever going to get together.

Are the characters a bit broadly drawn? Perhaps, but less stereotypes than archetypes. She has given us the Shy Geek, the Secret Geek, and a delicious Evil Diva. From the point at which Frances tells Rita she can have all the credit, you know where this is all going – and you can’t wait for it to get there. You want to be there for Frances’ realization that she deserves credit for her work, for Gethin finding the courage to admit both his Geekdom and his love for Frances, and for that precious moment when Rita loses the spotlight.

All in all, a well paced, well written, work with characters we care about, (OK, and hate,) woven around a classic plotline. Brava, Ms. Ramsden.

© 2014 LeeW

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Getting It

I have lost track of the number of people who tell me that “they get it”.  No, really, “they get it.”  They’ve talked to their gay, black, female, Romani, immigrant – pick your own minority – and, wow, they get it.

No, you don’t.

You may want to get it, out of concern for your friend (admirable), or simply so people don’t think less of you (not so admirable.)  Either way, wanting is not having.  Having comes from living “The Life”, whatever that is.  Living gay, black, female, Romani, immigrant – etc.  You get it because you keep getting it.  Keep getting all the trash, all the BS that comes with being said minority – or just plain different.

Straights don’t ‘get’ the importance of gay marriage, for example, because they don’t have to worry about inheritance, or getting your spouse on the company insurance.  What they have is at best an intellectual understanding.  Getting it is more visceral than that.  Getting it is having to worry every day if your spouse getting injured, or really, really sic means you lose everything.

Getting it is the difference between the intellectual and the experienced, between imagination and reality.

It took me a long time to “get” that I don’t always “get it” just because I want to.  So, I suppose I shouldn’t expect the rest of the world to just stop saying that they “get it”.  Still, I wish they’d at least try.

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Agenda? I got your ‘agenda’ right here…

The other day, my wife and I were accused by (call them Friend-A) of “sacrificing a friendship for an agenda”.  Whether that friendship, (with someone else, call them Friend-B,) is truly over remains uncertain, the problem is Friend-A’s use of the word ‘agenda’ to describe, what we consider, a legitimate complaint about Friend-B’s behavior.

Let’s face it, the word ‘agenda’ is tainted.  We have, for example, the “Right Wing Agenda”, the “Liberal Agenda”, the “Gay Agenda”, the “Feminist Agenda”.  It carries the taint of conspiracy.  Of unthinking, ideological fanaticism.  Of behavior that is “over the top.”  People refer to their own beliefs as “values”.  We have “Conservative Values”, “Liberal Values”, “Christian Values”, and so on.  The word ‘agenda’ is almost always used as a slight.

So, what is the definition of ‘agenda’ according to Mirriam-Webster?

  1. A list or outline of things to be considered or done
  2. An underlying often ideological plan or program

By these definitions, we all have an agenda:  that list of things we think should happen.  Of behaviors we encourage or will not tolerate.  And, because we’re human, these little lists are informed by who and what we are.  The things we’ve learned from parents, teachers, friends, strangers, books, movies – from the inescapable act of living our lives.  This list is, if you will, the essence of what we have come to believe.   It is  our values distilled into practice.

In a literal sense, our Friend-A is right – we are willing to sacrifice a friendship if that friend violates our values in a sufficiently egregious manner – but that is not the sense that comes across.  The semantic loading of the word ‘agenda’ makes it sound like we lightly tossed aside a friendship for some trivial, unimportant reason.  Or worse, that we are fanatics intent on bending the whole world to our will no matter who gets hurt.

But if we refuse to stand up for our values, it is we who become trivial, who get hurt.  Our faith  in ourselves, and what we believe in, erodes just that little bit each time we let something slide.  The argument with Friend-B revolved around and issue of respect:  don’t use the word “gay” as a synonym for “lame”.  If we let that slide, we lose a little self-respect each time.  (Oh, and Friend-B?  Spelling it “ghey” isn’t fooling anyone.)

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